Random Lists...

Signs you MAY need to get another car...

-Your gas gauge ALWAYS says "empty"...

-You ask the mechanic how much it would cost to fix the car and he just laughs at you...

-The blurb on the coolant/antifreeze says "works with all modern vehicles...except yours...No one can call your car modern with a straight face..."

-Your car has developed its own atmosphere... 

-Birds won't even aim at your car when they poo...they just write little hate notes in birdish next to it...its freaky...

 

Things I LOVE about road construction...
-- Being held up in traffic gives me a chance to check my Facebook and E-mail...
-- I like waving at the construction workers as I drive by...
-- Going the speed limit gets SO tiresome...Its so much more fun to go 10mph...
-- Road Construction turns the roads into an obstacle course...




Good Things about Daylight Savings Time Ending -- and it getting dark EARLIER...

-- Driving home in the dark is much more dramatic...

-- Its fun driving on the interstate with someone else driving right behind you with their brights on...

-- Feeling Jet-lagged at work is GREAT!

Random List about Animals I've Met or Heard about...

-- Parrot with No Toes Named "Munchie" (he sat on my arm...sweet bird)...

-- A "Plastic" snake curled up in the Amazon Exhibit at the Zoo in Evansville...I thought it was real and jumped ten feet...the Zoo Keeper got a big kick out of it...

-- A Kangaroo I saw that was after a Pregnant Wallaby...no real comment, but the mental picture is disturbing...

-- I met a woman who had a Pet Raccoon...the thing was over 4 feet tall and she showed me a picture of it sitting on her couch watching TV with her grand daughter...I would not want to fight with that thing over popcorn...

-- My Dad's dog would sit next to his chair at the dinner table and say, "Moorrrrre" when he wanted food...It was spooky...

-- My Mom's dog Bitsy will throw the ball and expect me to fetch it...

-- Llamas like to rub noses...

Scary things I've seen other Drivers do...

-- (While Driving) Texting in one hand, Talking on another Cell Phone with the other...Who knows how they're steering...

-- Using their break peddle to make the car dance... (Its fun...)

-- Turning around and yelling at the kids in the back of the van WHILE doing 75 on the interstate (I mean who REALLY needs a lecture here???)...

--  Cranking up Barry Manilow music on the radio...(not really a dangerous activity, but VERY scary nonetheless...)...

-- I don't care how cute you THINK it looks...the Yorkshire Terrier should not be driving...

Signs Your Neighbor MIGHT be Scary...

--Every morning when you walk out your door...he's walking out of his at the same time...stands there while you lock the door...and then walks away mumbling...

-- (This happens twice) They almost set fire to the building by leaving a tea towel on a hot stove burner...

-- Choir rehearsals at midnight...

--He sprays poison on the grass next to your flowers and claims he doesn't know why your flowers died

--  He refuses to put siding on his house...you can see the insulation...

-- You hear him arguing late at night...with himself!  And he's losing...

-- His favorite color is orange (okay, that's not really scary, but still wrong...)

--He tells you he keeps a lock on his refrigerator to keep his children from snacking during meal times...

-- He likes to throw things at your dog...

-- He does all these things and complains about YOU to the landlord...

Things you May or May NOT know about the Mississippi River...

-- In Davenport Iowa, some River Water is actually TAP WATER...gross

-- There's an urban legend that river workers once saw a cat fish big enough to swallow a man..

-- Under a blue sky...if the water is choppy enough, the water can look slate black...

-- Its not really a safe river to swim in because there are lots of undercurrents in the water that can pull a swimmer under...

--This river LIKES to flood...

-- 100 years ago (before they built the Dams) there were parts of the river you could just walk across... 

-- My Uncle likes to call it the Mississloppy River...No one really knows why...

Indications that Your Cat MAY be Nuts...

-- He lays down in front of the fire place WITH the mice

-- After staring at the birds outside the window for several hours, he leaps at the window with all his might, hits his nose, falls back on the floor and then restarts the process...

-- He tries to bark at cars

-- He steals your eye glasses

-- He becomes so obsessed with the air mattress when you have guests that you have to buy a new one because he's ruined it with his claws...

Signs You need to date someone else...

-- Your date asks you out to dinner at a nice restaurant and shows up in a worn t-shirt and jeans...

-- The guy decides you two are serious and gets your mother's e-mail address off of a forward and starts writing to her...


-- His favorite place to go is the mall


-- His favorite movie is "Veggie Tales: Jonah"...


-- While you're eating dinner at a restaurant, people point and whisper...


-- You're thinking..."I really need to date someone else..."

Signs Your Job May Not Last Long: 

-- When you get your name tag from human resources on your first day, the clerk spends half of your meeting making sure you know how to turn the badge in on your last day...

-- The Boss never bothers to learn your name...She just keeps calling you "new person" or "Hey You" or Murry (and your name isn't Murry and you find out Murry is what she always calls temps who aren't staying very long)...

 

-- When you try to "friend" the office Facebook Page, you get blocked.  

--  On your first day, the vending machine eats two of your dollar bills (see my blog...)

-- You're not given a desk...you're told to sit in a corner and amuse yourself with the job listings in the morning paper...

-- The company social committee is passing your "good-bye" card around the office on the first day...

Things I've Learned as a Hospital Chaplain:

-- There is no technical term for Booger...when doctors talk about those, that's what they call um...

-- Hearts (the actual organ in the person) are not "heart" shaped. Prostates are actually closer to conventional heart shapes...so those T-shirts should read, "I prostate New York"

-- Contrary to common Doctor opinion, NURSES run the hospitals...ALWAYS be nice to nurses...

-- Hospital Cafeteria food is often delicious while patient food can be gross...why is this??? Because DOCTORS eat at the cafeterias! (If you're looking for a good meal though, believe it or not, Hospital cafs often have terrific food -- especially desserts!)

-- Never do ministry in a unit while the companion dog is visiting patients...patients will pay absolutely NO attention to you while the dog is there...But you can bribe the dog into liking you with treats...

-- Some hospital ER's are more like the TV show "Scrubs" than the TV show "ER"...is that a bad thing???

-- Those people at the desks in hospital waiting rooms??? They hear EVERYTHING you say in there...if you work in a hospital, they're a good source of information about patient families

-- Hospital hand sanitizer is really fun to play with (I've seen ER staff have fights with it...but be careful...it makes the floor slick...)

Just thought I"d share... L

A List About Laura

10. Until recently, I didn't have a favorite color...

9. I once had a cat named Booger

8. I like peanut butter and mayonaise sandwiches

7. In High School I was voted, "Most Likely to be Abducted by Aliens"

(In case any of my old classmates are wondering, I haven't been unless moving to Michigan

counts.)

6. I once dated a guy who thought Shakespeare translated the King James Bible (just for the record, I no longer

know him)

5. When I visit foreign countries, I like to collect magnets...

4. I couldn't tie my shoes until I was eight years old

3. I really hate country music

2. I never took Geometry

1. I really like making lists of random things so that people can read them and wonder if I have way too much spare time...

A List with Little or No Point: 

-- Fundooda

-- Dust is mostly made up of human skin

-- The Aztecs thought Chocolate was a holy food...I think it should be

-- Goldfish have a short term memory of less than 30 seconds

-- Basically no one looks good in paisley 

-- The Mississippi River doesn't have enough bridges crossing it

-- This list is the result of being up too late at night too many nights in a row...