A Prayer

 Lord, help me as I begin anew today...
Today give me the strength for things that need to be done...don't let me worry about tomorrow...Let me love and laugh today...

When today is over, heal me from its hurts, help me remember the joys, and prepare me for tomorrow...

Single Christian Survival Guide: Distracting Friends From THAT Question...

You're over at a friend's house for a leisurely visit...or maybe you meet your Aunt Trudy in the grocery store...OR you're at church and an old saint walks up and says hello ... and it happens...they ask THAT question...the one that ALL singletons dread . . . Do I even need to spell it out???

Suddenly you feel like you're in a scene from "Bridget Jones"... (even though you might have much better hair, be much thinner AND maybe you're not even a girl...but that's okay)...

They think they're being friendly...
They THINK they're just making polite conversation...

Personally, I THINK I hear the theme from "Jaws" every time the question is asked...

It can come in many forms (here are some of my favorites):

(1) So how is your love life going right now?
(2) Have you met anyone "we" need to know about? (The phenomenon of the "royal we" used here has always fascinated me... I've noticed people tend to use it when asking questions that they subconsciously realize are actually delicate...they feel they need a buddy to give them support while asking it..)
(3) Are you dating anybody right now?
(4) When are "we" (there it is again) going to get to see you in a relationship?
 
The list goes on and on...


Sometimes the best thing to do in these situations is to just escape...

Why is escape important???

I'll tell you why...
If you're not dating anyone (which is when this question is scariest...)...
(1) Your friends might try to fix you up with someone (under normal circumstances, this MUST be avoided at ALL COSTS...)
(2) -- If your life has been anything like mine, the next question might be something like, "well what about Spike??? "We" have always thought you'd be really good with Spike... (I've had more than one 'Spike' in my life...The "Spike" Phenomenon occurs when  a group of people at work, church, or school decide that this one person would be awesome for you, but they don't fix you up with them, they just torture you and try to get you to warm up to them.  They hope that maybe YOU can get SPIKE to ask YOU out...This is very uncomfortable and should be avoided at ALL costs...particularly since nine times out of ten, SPIKE doesn't have any idea that someone is trying to get you interested in him and he doesn't like you and never will...A "Spike" relationship (if you can ever call it that) should be avoided at ALL COSTS...
(3) The person asking the question looks at you pityingly like you're an orphan child in a workhouse and says, "Oh, I'm so sorry..."
(4) Or they can just be like my uncle and say, "Well, I always thought you'd be an old maid..."

Do any of these situations seem remotely familiar?
The problem is that there is no way to keep people from asking these questions...

One time I got so tired of this question being asked (and the whole Spike thing happening) that I thought of doing something like this:

Friend: How is your love life??? I am hoping that you fall in love soon...Its so sad to see you alone night after night after night...
Me: Well, I'm not sure I'm ready to move on yet?
Friend: Move on???

Okay, the next part is such a big lie, I can't even put it in the script...point is, I wanted to make up a boyfriend who died in a freak volcano climbing accident on Mt. Vesuvius ... His mountain climbing partner decided to donate his body to science in Italy.  For years he was never seen again except by Mimes from Paris who mourned at his sudden passing...they mourned silently of course...(I hate mimes...)  At last he was freeze dried and dressed in Roman Costume at a Museum in Pompei....(And The Mimes Rejoiced...Silently...).  The whole ordeal was so traumatic  that I decided to dedicate my life to listening to corn grow...and avoiding mimes...  With every guy I meet, I start the conversation with, "You aren't a mime are you?"  This dooms every relationship from the start...So that's why I am not dating anyone right now...

Well that story was so stupid that I eventually gave up on telling it to people...I lost a lot of friends that way which wasn't exactly my goal...

I've decided that the best defense against THAT question is simply to destract people...
You might try saying things like...
(1) Hey look over there... (And run away as fast as you can...)
(2) Hey how are things with your digestive tract??? (Hey they got that personal...)
(3) Offer them some Apple Pie...everyone likes apple pie (If Aunt Trudy's Diabetic, offer her sugar free...)

Faith in the Desert

Faith is the Substance of Things Hoped For...The Evidence of Things Not Seen...

I've climbed Mt. Sinai. I'll probably write about that experience in a later post, but I will say this: after spending a couple of days hanging out in the Sinai Desert, I think I understand why the Israelites whined the whole time they were there.  There they were, freshly rescued by God from slavery in Egypt and they reacted by constant complaining.  This used to puzzle me.  I felt so superior.  I thought, "If I were ever in that situation, I wouldn't complain like they did."

HA!

They were there 40 years...I was there two days.  I didn't like the heat, dryness, dust, etc.  I was thirsty and light headed the whole time.  I couldn't have done 40 years.  Seriously, there are still people in our tour group who think I'm an idiot because the desert heat had such a horrible effect on me ... you could have pushed me in one direction and I wouldn't have been able to make myself stop moving...my brain had temporarily shut off.

Please don't get me completely wrong...believe it or not I loved visiting the place...it was an honor and a privilege that not many people get; however, I also learned that I have limitations and that when I am uncomfortable,  I am MORE than capable of doing my own share of whining. 

Why did God become angry at the Israelites when they complained?  I believe the answer is very simple...God wants us to have so much faith in Him, that even when nothing around seems to be living or good or comfortable, we are able to keep our eyes on Him and know that He will take care of us. 

I have an unusual picture hanging in my home: its a swamp with bare branches growing out of it.  On it is printed the words of Hebrews 11:1:  Faith is the Substance of things Hoped for, the Evidence of things not seen."  It reminds me that no matter how bleak my life seems, I'm supposed to look to God and know that He will help me. 

_________ and Sweet...

The previous few posts have been extremely long, so this one is very short just to make everyone happy.  Now have a nice day and stop complaining....

Old Friends...

When I was 12 years old or so, some friends from church gave me a Precious Moments Bible shortly after my mother almost died of a heart attack.  It was blue, had a fake leather cover, and had lots of pretty Precious Moments scattered among its New King James text.  I loved that Bible. I'd color in some of the pictures, underline tons of verses (some of the passages in that old Bible are unreadable now because of my incessant underlining), and take it everywhere I went.

I was an only child.  I spent most of my time around adults because of the lack of other kids in my immediate family, so around my peers at school I was socially awkward which ended up (believe it or not) causing me to be painfully shy.  I think its so funny most people I went to Jr. High and High School with have this idea that I'm stuck up or overly perky or whatever because those attitudes were all covers for the fact that I was in mortal terror of everyone in the school building every day... I'm not exaggerating.  I started public school in 8th grade after attending a little church school for two years and I was so petrified of my classmates when I went back to public school that I hid behind characters that didn't let people too close to me.  Everybody thought I was stuck up.

When I tell people I'm shy, they don't believe me because I love being up in front of people and acting and stuff.  What many people don't know though, is being a performer is a wonderful way to hide from people because you control what they see and to a certain extent, their reactions toward you.  If you know how, you can make people laugh or cry or happy or sad and never know anything about you. 

My anti-social activities worked all too well... Oddly enough, although I had a lot of social anxiety, I was very lonely.  I'd get home from school after dodging attempted conversations with people all day and there my blue Bible would be on my desk in my room.  I'd read two chapters out of it every night, underlining and highlighting as I went.  That little blue book was one of my best friends.  It made me feel safe and sometimes I'd sleep with it under my pillow.   I loved the God written about in its pages, but strangely never made the connection that He could help me with the social problems I was having. 

I wore that Bible out.  By my senior year in High School, large sections of pages were falling out and the back was totally broken.  My mother suggested that I retire that Bible so I'd have it as a keepsake and with a heavy heart I set the little book on a shelf.

I had several Bibles after that...some I gave away, one ended up getting stolen (there was a actually a serial Bible Thief involved...I'll write about THAT at another time...), and one got injured when I dropped wet laundry on it, causing its pages to shrivel up like wilted lettuce (making the pages really hard to read).  

Then I fell in love again.  It was another NKJV Bible ... A black slimline with concordance and lots of in-sheets where I could write notes.  It had a beautiful genuine leather cover that I was afraid of ruining, so I made a needle point cover for it.  Eventually I discarded the cover because it got those pill-thingies that stuff made of yarn tends to get.  Eventually I got a cover for it made out of a light brown corduroy that I liked a lot -- it had pockets inside where  I could keep pens and highlighters.  I'd also keep notes and lesson quarterlies in there and eventually the back of the Bible ended up breaking --

I spent a lot of time reading the book of Daniel at that time.  The pages wore through and many of them are covered in tape.  I wrote notes from sermons I heard in the margins.  I didn't know that the ink I used wasn't acid free and now some of the ink has worn its way through to the other side of the pages.  Sometimes I'd have longer notes that wouldn't fit in the margins, so I'd put them post-its that I'd stick on the pages themselves for future reference.  When the sticky note covered a passage I wanted to read, I'd just move it to a different place on the page.

Like my old Precious Moments Bible, it went everywhere with me.  I was a Junior in college then, in a renewed state of social isolation.  My parents let me live with them while I was going to the University of Iowa.  I had a 45 minute commute to school every day and I didn't have time to take part in school functions.  I'd joke around with my classmates before and after class, but then I'd have to hurry home to study, so I didn't have a lot of chances to make any real relationships.  Plus during that time, so many of the people in my life were dying of Cancer and other things and there was pretty serious family trouble -- life seemed so overwhelming. 

Then when I moved away to Seminary, my Bible felt like a friend from home, a companion in my new surroundings.  I jotted notes from my classes in the Bible and took it everywhere I went...

Then, just like that, I fell out of love. 

I didn't mean to, it just happened.   There were several reasons for this...

(1) Bible Study had become my homework since I was majoring in theology.  It was no longer an escape, but an obligation, a source of stress and anxiety and I started avoiding it... My little leather slimline was the one that I always used for homework, so I started associating it with uncomfortable feelings...

(2) Paradoxically, I started working at my college's bookstore where there were all kinds of shiny new Bibles and I had a discount.  I bought new ones at different times that I'd use for church and study and left my black slimline on the shelf next to the Precious Moments Bible. 

Then one night I sat on my couch with my Slimline Bible.  For some reason, I didn't want to open it.  I held it in my hands, turning it over and over like a block of wood.  I thought I didn't know how to open it.  I didn't know what I wanted to read. 

Another night, my father had to go to the hospital with heart problems and I sat with my Bible and some stickers.  I had some decorative butterfly and bird stickers that I put in choice places throughout my Bible.  I was sitting next to the phone waiting for news from home of my dad and I guess I needed something to do with my hands.  After I was out of  bird and butterfly stickers, I used tree and flower stickers (why I had these in my apartment, I don't really remember...).

Since then I've had lots of Bibles and I've tried to become as attached to one of them as I was to my Precious Moments Bible and my Slimline...both of which are now quite worn out like an old Teddy Bear...  Now that my life is getting stressful again, I found myself doing that especially.  Recently though I went back to my old slimline which is sitting next to me now in its worn corduroy cover.  Its leather binding has long since become quite worn and ragged and its edges are lined with electrical tape and its torn in-sheets are all patched.
In that beloved book are words of comfort from a God who loves me.  There too at home on my bookshelf is my old blue Precious moments Bible...I think I might sleep with it under my pillow again one night. 

Single Christian Survival Guide: Pickle Juice, Pews, and Stuff...

"Some Christians look like they've been baptized in Pickle Juice"...  unknown

I think people should focus on what they can do instead of what they shouldn't do...  I think Christianity should be fun!!!  I like how Peter Marshall put it: "Why can't Christianity be fun??? And Fun Christian?"  

 I think it is high time someone discuss living Christian Life to the fullest -- in single life as well as family life... 

Being a single Christian does NOT (repeat) does NOT stink!  I saw a recording on You-Tube where the late Rich Mullins put it best. He said he was tired of people walking up to him and telling him they felt sorry for him because it was such a tragedy that he was single.  He said that being single is a tragedy for him "between 10 o'clock and 2 o'clock at night, but that time's a tragedy for a lot married people too." Otherwise, apparently, he liked being single...

Here's the thing: being a single Christian has been underrated for years... Here are some examples...

(1) Many People often tend to focus on what single Christians are NOT supposed to be doing with each other... Really seriously, if all people do is dwell on the fact that single Christians should abstain from sex, they're going to get depressed.  Its like being on a diet (I know about that too) and whining about how you have to cut out chocolate and pop.  It becomes all you think about and then you don't want to diet any more.  Face it: there is more to life than physical intimacy for married people and its the same for single people.  

       In many Christian bookstores, the sections reserved for singles are over-loaded with books about not sleeping around (and little else)...I've seen none about living life as a single person outside of the bedroom... Does that sound balanced to anyone??? 

      Enough said...

(2)  I thought the Movie "Bridget Jones" portrayed this beautifully: People seem to think single people's lives need repair and are often (a) trying to fix you up with someone or (b) asking how your love life is going which can make you feel bad about yourself if it isn't going well...  

      I'm not totally against fix-ups and blind dates...my grandparents met on a blind date... Blind dates can be fun (they can also be horrifically awful ...When my mother was young before she met my dad, her step father fixed her up with a policeman who went on and on about criminals he knew and arrests he had made for the entire date...My mother was board silly). If you know someone you think you're friend would like, by all means introduce them, but if your goal is only to fix up your single friend(s) and you don't just enjoy who they are (as a single) at the moment, what message are you sending them??? That they aren't complete without a spouse? That there's something wrong with them???  

      

(3) Singles between 20 and 30 often  get stuck with the youth in small churches...  

       They are grown-ups.  If they're devout Christians and are mature they should be treated like adult church members.  

      
The horrible fact though is that many single Christians (including myself sometimes) get board silly quite often because (1) many times there aren't a lot of singles in their church and they feel lonely, (2) they haven't developed their own personal lives because they've always expected to get married sometime in the next five minutes or (3) they're upset because they dwell on the things they believe they're missing out on by not living a worldly life. 

I'd like to spend a few blogs discussing many of these issues that figure largely in the lives of single Christians.

Today I'd like to discuss an issue that has bothered me for years as a single Christian (although it has nothing to do with fun)...

This is serious business...

Choosing a place to sit in church

  

Many church members sit in the same pews for years!  

My Parents have sat in the same place in the same pew for over three decades...they have actually worn dents in the cushions...

One week a family inadvertently sat in my parents' spot... It was all my parents talked about for the next week...  The next Sabbath, they got to church early to reclaim their pew so no one would take it again...

While growing up, I sat next to my parents in church.  They insisted on it.  They didn't want me being goofy with my friends in the back of the sanctuary because it is irreverent.  

And they were right.

Trouble is, when I moved away to another city, I found myself sitting in the same general area of my new church sanctuary as I did when I used to sit with my parents: this wasn't only because of habit...  I am almost deaf in one ear and although the sound system picks up the speaker's voice pretty well, I still like sitting up front where I can see to read the speaker's lips.  I also feel more like I'm part of the service when I sit up front.  I don't like the back ... I feel detached.  

The good news is that (usually) people don't want the front pew...Most people like sitting in the back...  So when I lived away from my home town, I had no trouble picking a place to sit.  Now, however, I'm back home going to the same church my parents go to.  

I love my parents. 

I am friends with them. 

I do not want to sit in church with them every week.  

Why?  Because I'm tired of my mother telling me to be quiet like she did when I was 10.  I don't like my father constantly reminding me of how to behave... It was charming for the first few weeks I was home and I don't want to hurt their feelings, but now being treated like a child in church is getting a little old.  

I have a dilemma.... WHERE DO I SIT????

The seats directly behind my parents are occupied by people who have enjoyed sitting there for the last five years...similar stories pertain to the pews across the isle...I need to sit up front to enjoy the service.  What to do???

Well, here's my plan... 

One week, I'm going to deliberately come in a little late and stand at the back of the sanctuary so I can scope out the room and see where the regulars sit up front... I'll particularly focus my attention on the first three rows on either side of the room... Then I'll be able to see where the vacant seats are and choose my new spot...

That's the easy part.  

The hard part is moving to a new spot without making my parents think I don't want to sit by them anymore...

Pray for me...

Pray for me...

I haven't been posting on my blog all week because I've been tired at night after my new job.  I got up between 3 and 4 am every day and was always at work before 6.  I was enjoying myself.  I got a call this afternoon from the employment agency that referred me to my job saying that the company I was working with didn't want temps anymore and I have been released.

Okay, I am determined to be positive .  I admit my first impulse is to cry and become unhappy again, but how will that help??? God helped me to get this job, so he's sure to help me again...maybe even to find one again through the same temp agency...

Pray for me though everybody.  I need it.


And now for a spotlight...My dad was awesome this week!  I am NOT, repeat N-O-T used to getting up before 6 AM unless someone is dying in the hospital and I get called to the ER or something as a chaplain (and this isn't a daily thing)... Yes I have an alarm clock, but I'm hard of hearing... I tend to sleep through alarms when I'm over tired -- this has often led to tragic scenes involving my rushing around my apartment like a crazy person brushing my hair, searching for my keys and eating breakfast simultaneously...
SO I needed help making sure I could wake up every day... Dad works at a factory very early in the morning (and by early, I mean he starts his shift at 3am...)  He called me every day to make sure I was up.  I think that's great!  I just wanted to thank him publicly...