In College I worked at a Grocery Store for a while...Discussion in the break room between two goofball co-workers...
Joe: You have the wimpiest car, Dude. Just makes me wanna cry.
Pete: Whatever...I totally won a race with it last week...they ate my dust...
Joe: Wasn't that race against Staci?
Pete: Yeah.
Joe: Chicks don't count, Pete.
Pete: Man, she drives a sports car.
Joe: Chicks don't count Pete.
Pete: My car totally beat her's...
Joe: My friend you are ignoring the basic fact that...Chicks don't count, Pete...
This next one is a dialogue I had with a customer when I worked at a University Bookstore... We had this big, giant pen at the counter that people could use to sign their credit card slips...The pen was literally a foot long and about an inch and a half in diameter...Half of the customers would say the same thing whenever they saw the pen: "That's a really big pen. Does it work? Why do you have such a big pen?" I got sick of this. Really sick of the same conversation and always answering..."Somebody that works here bought it at a museum gift shop and it is just for fun...but it does work."
Can there be a more boring answer????
Here's what I started telling customers...until my kill-joy boss made me stop...For the sake of this discussion, the customer will be named Pete...
Pete: That's a really big pen. Does it work? Why do you have such a big pen?
Me: (saying this with a totally straight face) Well, we have a student here on campus who is a giant...really...he actually has giantism.
Pete: (totally buying it) Really?
Me: He is a really nice guy and when he comes in here, he complains that our ink pens are too small, so we found this one and we have it here for him to use -- its much more comfortable and he wants to get one for himself because apparently standard-sized pens give him writer's cramp. It totally works...you can use it if you want to...
Pete: Oh wow! That is COOL!
Honestly, I can understand why my boss made me stop...I mean I was technically lying...but I did have fun...
Here's another one I had when I worked at McDonald's in High School...
The movie "Twister" had just been released in theaters. The McDonald's was at an interstate truck stop and there were TV's situated all over the dining area. On the TV, there was a Tornado Watch which means conditions are right for a possible tornado, but there hasn't been one spotted YET... A Warning means that one has been spotted.
A bus came to the restaurant packed with customers from California who had all seen the movie "Twister"... They saw the tornado watch and panicked...I must have waited on 20 people from that bus and they all asked the same thing..."Does a 'watch' mean that there is going to be a tornado?"
I took the time to explain the difference between Watch and Warning and assured them that everything was fine...the first 18 times...then it got old...Here's what happened...
Pete: Does a Watch mean that there is a tornado out there?
Me: Yes...and tornadoes are famous for following buses.
Pete: WHAT?
Me: Sorry, I was kidding...A warning just means...(blah blah blah...)
The guy behind him heard the whole conversation and when he got up to my register...
Joe: Ma'am how can you live out here in the Mid-West with all these tornadoes??? It is SO dangerous?
Me: Sir, how can you live in California with all those EARTHQUAKES???
Joe: Oh, yeah....
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