Single Christian Survival Guide: Distracting Friends From THAT Question...

You're over at a friend's house for a leisurely visit...or maybe you meet your Aunt Trudy in the grocery store...OR you're at church and an old saint walks up and says hello ... and it happens...they ask THAT question...the one that ALL singletons dread . . . Do I even need to spell it out???

Suddenly you feel like you're in a scene from "Bridget Jones"... (even though you might have much better hair, be much thinner AND maybe you're not even a girl...but that's okay)...

They think they're being friendly...
They THINK they're just making polite conversation...

Personally, I THINK I hear the theme from "Jaws" every time the question is asked...

It can come in many forms (here are some of my favorites):

(1) So how is your love life going right now?
(2) Have you met anyone "we" need to know about? (The phenomenon of the "royal we" used here has always fascinated me... I've noticed people tend to use it when asking questions that they subconsciously realize are actually delicate...they feel they need a buddy to give them support while asking it..)
(3) Are you dating anybody right now?
(4) When are "we" (there it is again) going to get to see you in a relationship?
 
The list goes on and on...


Sometimes the best thing to do in these situations is to just escape...

Why is escape important???

I'll tell you why...
If you're not dating anyone (which is when this question is scariest...)...
(1) Your friends might try to fix you up with someone (under normal circumstances, this MUST be avoided at ALL COSTS...)
(2) -- If your life has been anything like mine, the next question might be something like, "well what about Spike??? "We" have always thought you'd be really good with Spike... (I've had more than one 'Spike' in my life...The "Spike" Phenomenon occurs when  a group of people at work, church, or school decide that this one person would be awesome for you, but they don't fix you up with them, they just torture you and try to get you to warm up to them.  They hope that maybe YOU can get SPIKE to ask YOU out...This is very uncomfortable and should be avoided at ALL costs...particularly since nine times out of ten, SPIKE doesn't have any idea that someone is trying to get you interested in him and he doesn't like you and never will...A "Spike" relationship (if you can ever call it that) should be avoided at ALL COSTS...
(3) The person asking the question looks at you pityingly like you're an orphan child in a workhouse and says, "Oh, I'm so sorry..."
(4) Or they can just be like my uncle and say, "Well, I always thought you'd be an old maid..."

Do any of these situations seem remotely familiar?
The problem is that there is no way to keep people from asking these questions...

One time I got so tired of this question being asked (and the whole Spike thing happening) that I thought of doing something like this:

Friend: How is your love life??? I am hoping that you fall in love soon...Its so sad to see you alone night after night after night...
Me: Well, I'm not sure I'm ready to move on yet?
Friend: Move on???

Okay, the next part is such a big lie, I can't even put it in the script...point is, I wanted to make up a boyfriend who died in a freak volcano climbing accident on Mt. Vesuvius ... His mountain climbing partner decided to donate his body to science in Italy.  For years he was never seen again except by Mimes from Paris who mourned at his sudden passing...they mourned silently of course...(I hate mimes...)  At last he was freeze dried and dressed in Roman Costume at a Museum in Pompei....(And The Mimes Rejoiced...Silently...).  The whole ordeal was so traumatic  that I decided to dedicate my life to listening to corn grow...and avoiding mimes...  With every guy I meet, I start the conversation with, "You aren't a mime are you?"  This dooms every relationship from the start...So that's why I am not dating anyone right now...

Well that story was so stupid that I eventually gave up on telling it to people...I lost a lot of friends that way which wasn't exactly my goal...

I've decided that the best defense against THAT question is simply to destract people...
You might try saying things like...
(1) Hey look over there... (And run away as fast as you can...)
(2) Hey how are things with your digestive tract??? (Hey they got that personal...)
(3) Offer them some Apple Pie...everyone likes apple pie (If Aunt Trudy's Diabetic, offer her sugar free...)